“I don’t believe in loss,”
At home over Spring Break, I opened one of my desk drawers to find a letter to myself that I forgot I wrote. I quickly recalled that I wrote it on the last day of Winter Break, when I was feeling particularly anxious and dreading my return to college after a somewhat difficult fall semester. In it, I assured myself I would feel better when I read it in the future than the way I felt when I wrote it. In two short months, I was shocked to realize how true that statement was.
“And I doubt there is a heaven.”
Some days are harder than others, and it can be hard not to get discouraged and upset with myself when I’m not feeling 100%. I am not generally as patient with myself as I should be. I have a hard time accepting that progress is not linear – I can have good and bad days while still being on an upward trend. One bad day does not mean I am a failure. One emotionally-taxing moment does not take away from the fact that I am continuing to improve myself. Hearing my mom tell me last week over Spring Break that she can see how much better I am doing now in comparison to over Winter Break helped me realize how far I’ve come. I feel better inside now, but my mom can see it on the outside, too.
“My heart belongs to me,”
In those two months since Winter Break, I’ve gotten so much closer to my friends here at Michigan. I love my classes and professors. Being here in Ann Arbor once again feels hopeful and exciting. I’m so glad to have rediscovered the beauty here and all of my potential and the possibilities that can become a reality with patience and hard work. Here’s to finishing the semester strong, and here’s to progress – as nonlinear as it may be.
“And I know I’m happy now.”
Listen to Cheerio (by the band Malaria!) here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAoJYefMZO8
There were a lot of lines I related to in Rex Orange County’s Pluto Projector, I had a hard time deciding on a set of lyrics to visualize! Though it’s likely that Alex O’Connor wrote this piece about his emotions as a growing artist in the industry, I think it can be applied to anyone who has worries or doubts about their current life path. I’ve met people here who seem to have their entire life figured out- they’re confident in what they want to study, they’re passionate about their future aspirations, they’re on top of classes- when I start comparing myself to others it’s easy to feel behind. I’m sure some of you relate to this too. But it’s important to remember that everyone goes at their own pace! I know I don’t understand myself fully yet, but I trust with time things will all work out.
