Tag: poem

*Trigger Warning*

This poem contains eating disorder subject matter.

 

In the realm of hypocrisy

Everything in moderation

The chant that leads to an obsession

An obsession that cannot be moderated

Counting the calories

Saying no

Saying yes becomes a rarity

And even then

Wishing you hadn’t

That number on the scale

Satisfying but wanting

Wanting perfection

That moderation of flesh

Of fat

Of life

Wanting the shock

The surprise

The congratulatory remarks

They didn’t know the damage done

Seasons pass

A new obsession

One of eating feelings

Crying frustration

Counting calories

Unable to stop the pain

You stuff it down your throat

Only for it to come back up

A mess of “moderation”

Of obsession beyond balance

Beyond sense

Polar sides

Neither just right

Always looking

Striving

For the approval

For the stability

Of those words

“Everything in moderation”

 

The cards that hold

Knowledge I already knew

But couldn’t access

 

The hands that have seen

Roughness

Niceties

And warm gestures

 

Grazing the cards

Selecting aimlessly

 

A past

Repressed

And bottled

 

A present

Confused

And hopeful

 

A future

Essential

But fearsome

 

Forming a row of formidable cards

They speak and expose

 

A heartbreak two folds

Too strong

Complications of roads

Too intimidating to choose from

 

Decisions neglected

Thoughts finely pressed

And set aside for a different morning

 

Desires to be realized

Dreams to dazzle

And worlds of people to meet

 

Such an accurate picture

Painted by the person

Sitting before me

 

Divulging my concerns

Encouraging my pursuits

 

I heard what I yearned for

Absorbing the words

From across a rickety table

 

Setting in the west

Purple and blue hues

Over the plains of grass

A peace fills the air

Dotted with stars

My friend sits in the sky

Pronounced against the black

We are alone together.

My neck cranes

To witness his light

Grazing my face

I lay in the grass

Looking out

Darkness surrounds me

Concealing my existence

Only acknowledged by my friend in the sky

 

A profound comfort washes

Across my skin.

The softness of the breeze

The chill of the night

The peace in this place.

No judgement

No eyes upon my flesh

Probing my mind.

Just me on the Earth

And my friend in the sky

 

How blissful is anonymity

The release of the pressure to conform

The anxiety of inadequacy

The worries for the future

And the loathing of the past.

My friend steadies me

I shine with him

Our bliss in the dark.