Evolving Emotions: Counterfeit Consciousness

Smiling faces inundate my view

Their cheer attempts to breach my brain

Hammering away at the worry

The fears

The anxiety

To no avail

 

Laughter fills the air

These lungs of mine force

The artificial happiness sweeps from my breath

Choking on insincerity

 

The sight of fresh and falling snow

Brings enthusiasm to the limbs

Mine mimic

In an awkward sort of way

 

Inside a bubble

Apart from others

Left with the thoughts

That consume me

Waking and sleeping

Smiling and laughing

 

I’m crying now

Real

Raw

Instinctual

 

Yet the worries never cease

The jerking movements

The false air

The smeared smile

 

Faking in the pursuit

Of realness

Indeed.

 

Evolving Emotions: Thankful

The comfort in knowing

All is well

And will be well

 

The security felt

When a sound

Divulges its character

 

The overwhelming joy that

Echoes through the room

At a ridiculous story

 

The calm you keep

Close to the chest

Knowing your needs are met

 

The common conversations

That you simply

Must absorb in your mind

 

The familiar scent

Of a home

So loved

 

you get in the car

your glance rips

from familiarity

each mile

unnaturally separating

 

The love

The struggle

The pain

The growth

The peace

 

The memories you crafted fade

As the path ahead expands

You know you must

Commence

 

You tremble

But trek onwards

Hoping for greatness

Cautioned towards aversiveness

 

No easier to swallow

The tears well up

As you are reminded of what you had

 

Friends

Remembrances

Home

Family

 

Even so,

Being apart

Shows how well off

You were

And still are

 

They have given you this gift

To separate from the world they made

 

And form a new one.

 

Evolving Emotions: Last Glow

I saw the stars this morning

The sun had not yet climbed the shingled roofs

Nor surmounted the plumes of smoke

Produced by the slumbering city

 

Each a fleck of twinkling perfection

My eyes gleamed alongside them

In a vast gift

A sight to behold

 

These gems of the sky are deceptive

They hide their torment

The destruction that defines their state

They are dead and dying.

 

That which is beautiful

Is temporary

Breathe in the expanse

The comforting peace

This quiet morning

 

For it is not forever

Although we wish it to be

There will be a last

Air leaves the lungs

Carrying the soul in its glow

 

These precious stars shine

Despite their fate

Despite their circumstance

 

Do not grieve

Let the feeling linger

Let the light bathe you

 

Do not taint it with sadness

For it happened

It was wonderful

 

I saw the stars this morning

And it was wonderful.

This was taken on a camping trip with friends a few years ago. It was a moment of pure joy.

Evolving Emotions: Forevermore

I feel your presence beside me

On the frigid, unforgiving Earth

On the lonely wooden park bench

On the gentle bed we shared

 

I hear your voice 

In the corridor you passed

In the kitchen you cherished

In the doorway to our home

 

I smell you in all that is beautiful

A hint of lavender in someone’s hair

A box of oranges sold at the market

A loaf of bread I find at the bakery

 

I surmise that I’ve see you

Maybe?

Maybe not. 

Perhaps it is madness

 

It’s hard to discern

The wishes and whims

The truth and sacred lies

 

Perhaps, I witness what I was too blind to see yesterday

No matter

 

Alas,

We are apart

But soon

We will feel each other’s warmth

In a plane unlike this one

 

My joy

My love

My apparition forevermore 

 

Evolving Emotions: Inquisition

What if I were?

Would my peers avoid me

Would my parents dismiss me

Would my God disown me

Would my universe mock me

 

What if I were?

Would I deny it

Would I despise myself

Would my mind denounce my thoughts

Would I curb my yearnings

Would my eyes avert their judging gaze

 

From the sight of her

Her dimples

Her smile

Her laugh

Her special beauty to behold

 

What if I were?

Would I love myself in time

 

Acceptance drives acceptance

If you were to love yourself wholly and completely

If you were to take on your internal quarrels valiantly

If you were to embrace those different from yourself

If you were to take them in with open arms

 

Maybe that love would double

Triple

Quadruple

Until it fills the very room

Crowding out the scrutiny

Expunging the former negativity

 

Love you

Love others

Maybe those around you will learn

To love themselves

 

What if you were you?