Tag: friends

Study Hal: Week 38 – Reflection

Leila Mullison Leave a comment

Well, it’s been a year. And this time, we mean that both as “it’s been a wild time” and “it has been 365 days.” Hal recently invested in a motivational calendar – it has cool affirming messages on it, but having it on the desk reminded Hal of the date. March 16th, 2020 is the day I came home early from my study abroad program, and the day Hal moved out of his apartment in Ann Arbor. On his way out, Hal snapped a selfie with his friends and roommates. He realized today that hasn’t seen them in person since.

It has been quite a year, but Hal and I talked through it to find some positives. As much as Hal misses his friends and roommates, he’s glad they’re all safe. He’s also thankful he gets to study what he loves even though it’s been different and more stressful recently. If you haven’t had the time to chat with someone about how this past year has gone, we highly encourage it! It’s better to process the feelings as they come instead of storing them away for another year.

If this is your first time here, thanks for coming! Hal is a U-M senior who’s been remote alllll year. He’s here Tuesdays to share his experiences, but if you can’t wait, check out the Study Hal tag to see all the posts!

The Gift of Friendship

Hannah Levine Leave a comment

Two minions stand in an open space. One has an umbrella and the other doesn't. The one without the umbrella looks sad, so the one with the umbrella pushes a button and another umbrella pops out of the first to cover the sad minion.

It’s my senior year, and while I’ve lost a lot of friends and gained a lot of friends throughout my existence, it feels strange knowing that the end of this year will mark another time in my life that friends will purposely leave and enter. I’m not upset about that—it’s only life, but because of this, I’ve been thinking about my friends a lot lately.

As it happens, today is Facebook’s 12th birthday, and apparently they’ve been thinking about friendships, too. In an emotionally charged compilation of pictures, Facebook came up with a campaign to showcase social networks, AKA friends. And thus, #friendsday began.

When I went to check out my video, I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. As I said, I’ve been considering my friendships a lot lately and I was a little nervous to see what Facebook thought about the people I surround myself with. I loved my video, though. It showed me people I care about and the moments that I shared with them. And even though I’m not as close with some of those people, or I don’t get to see them as much, I’m still glad they were in my video. Every friendship I’ve ever had has helped me become who I am, and Facebook’s #friendsday video showed a little part of that.

New Girl's Jessica Day scratches Schmidt's back while Schmidt says,

My mom once told me, “friends are like elevators. They can bring you up, or they can take you down.” Now, okay, my mom told me that when my two friends from middle school and I skipped a free ACT prep class to go to 7/11 and Rite Aid and she was trying to explain peer pressure and how friends can affect actions, but that’s not all that sentence can mean. It can be so much more.

Good friends can bring you up and hold you there in a warm hug of love and affection. They can encourage you to shoot for the stars and make you feel good about yourself and most everything you do. They’ll tell you to do things because they know what will make you better and make you happy. They’ll support you and tell you when you’re being an idiot in the best way possible. And, they’ll laugh with you until your sides hurt and eat grilled cheese with you at three in the morning just because you had a craving. These friends are good friends.

Amy Poehler's Parks and Recreation character Leslie Knope shakes whipped cream and says, "hoes before bros."

Amy Poehler's Parks and Recreation character Leslie Knope says, "ovaries before brovaries." Parks and Recreation's Ann Perkins sits down while Leslie Knope says, "uteruses before duderuses."

Bad friends, on the other hand, can drag you down to the depths of despair. They can make you anxious and stressed out. They can make you feel worthless and uneasy, like your goals are pointless and shouldn’t be reached for. They can do rude or obnoxious things to you that make you question why you would be friends with them in the first place. Here’s a hint: you’re not. Drop. Those. Friends.

Everyone deserves to have good friends who bring you to the top floor of the Empire State Building. Yep, that’s right, I’m sticking with the weird elevator thing. So, if you find yourself being lowered to some dark and stinky basement by your “friends”, just know that you don’t have to get off the elevator with them. Say good bye and find the people who really care about you. Believe me, they’re out there waiting to journey skyward.

SUPPART

Taylor Leave a comment

There is art and then THERE IS ART.

Notorious for proclaiming every damn thing in my life can be art, I am going to continue to cast my art-golf-umbrella on everyone who reads this: art is everywhere, everything is aesthetic in some manner, and sometimes everything sucks (or is so good) that aesthetics are all I can talk about without wanting to performance art myself into a plane and never come back.

Now 2 days ago I stopped writing my thesis and left the honors program (http://queerumich.com/post/75508370570/the-queer-art-of-quitting) and I’ve never felt better. However, it’s been interesting to see how people react to my news. From “TAYLOR?!? REALLY??!?!” to “I support and think that this decision will make you happy.” I appreciate both sentiments–it’s fun seeing what people do when I throw their world axis off just a smidge, and when I can surprise them. (boom.)

In the wake of all of this, I’ve received so much support and love. I’ve never felt more comfortable with a decision or more proud of myself, and it’s all because my community stepped up and validated, affirmed, and actively supported me. A community that I thought I had a solid grasp of who was in it, but, then again, I myself was surprised.

Come a month ago, while still writing my thesis, the most support I got was from my books, my tears, and “dreams . . . drugs . . . waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls” (a little Ginsberg goes a long way, no?). I’m not trying to call anyone out but the support I got while in the thesis process was no where near the level of support I have now. This got me thinking.

Support is an art form.

About a year or so ago I got in the habit of saying “I approve” at everything I wanted to affirm. Quickly, I realized that very few people need a white cisgender man to give approval–it’s weird, it’s unaffirming, and it’s just a little much, in my opinion. So I reflected on what I meant by “I approve,” and I came to the conclusion that I meant, “I support.” I support verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally; if I say, “I support _____,” you have my permission to use me and my resources to the fullest extent because I care, I support, and I want to validate and affirm you and your endeavors.

What I’m not so eloquently getting at is: support needs to be known.

Support isn’t some canvas on which I am painted. I need support to be painted on me. Covered in it, filled with it, not born from it. Support can’t be implied or unspoken because all it looks like is somebody somewhere following you or looking at you or sending some good vibes, which, don’t get me wrong, is wonderful, but isn’t really how I use or mean “support.”

Support is an action, a verb–to support. It necessitates motion from bodies and minds and hearts. It is not a watercolor. It is spoken word, it is slam poetry, it moves oceans and causes storms. I need support that will rock me to my foundation.

What stopping the thesis process has taught me is how to really support someone. I’ve learned this from those who’ve pretended and from those who’ve succeeded in supporting me. And today, perhaps, I can call myself an artist supported by fellow artists (friends, family, peers, acquaintances, coworkers, facebook strangers, grindr peeps, and people eluding my words)–with a general mission to support and affirm and validate.