Sometimes I sit alone and wonder whether there is a better or worse character in the history of television than George Costanza, who if you don’t know is one of the four ensemble characters on Seinfeld. Many times I have cried from laughter watching this dysfunctional, irrational man getting himself in and out of tight spots (both literally and figuratively), but just as many times I have cringed at the thought that this walking farce is based on a real person. Let’s just consider some of the things that Georgie (as his mom so affectionately calls him) has gotten away with relatively unscathed:
- He creates a fake charity called the Human Fund so that he doesn’t have to get his coworkers Christmas presents by making a donation on their behalf. He then accepts a hefty donation to his fake charity by his boss and tries to keep it for himself.
- He leaves his car in the New York Yankee’s parking garage for a week and his boss George Steinbrenner assumes he’s DEAD, so he fakes a bunch of injuries to cover for the fact that he just never goes to work.
- His fiancé dies from licking too many toxic envelopes while sending out wedding invitations, and he doesn’t mourn her so much as he mourns the giant fortune he finds out they would have inherited together.
- He tries to get Elaine to set him up with Marisa Tomei (yes, that Marisa Tomei) even though he is engaged at the time (which he is aware of, thank you very much.)
- He has a contractor alter his desk so he can sleep under it instead of doing work. When George Steinbrenner comes looking for him and sits in his office for over 3 hours, he has Jerry call in a bomb threat to get him out of the office, only to have Steinbrenner and his grandkids hide under his desk and find him.
- He goes on a date with a waitress from Monk’s and while walking through the park talks about how, when you break it down, manure isn’t so bad. It’s just a newer, with a ma in front of it!
- He starts dating a woman in prison because she won’t be able to “pop in” on him unexpectedly, and then tries to break up with her when she’s up for parole (she doesn’t get out on parole but then does the ultimate pop-in when she breaks out of prison and shows up at his apartment.)
This is just a taste of the absolute chaos that is the life of George Costanza. His life is like the opposite of the whole “I can’t make this up” in that it’s complete nonsense – there’s no way his life isn’t made up. And yet somewhere, at this very moment, Larry David is walking around causing some raucous. The genius who created Seinfeld based George off of himself, a fact that simultaneously leaves me disturbed and feeling better about my own life.
As I so often do, I will leave you with a little bit of George Costanza. Here’s a best of:
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