I want to sit and contemplate the significance behind a movie 

Watch for detail and picture design 

Why they chose red hues and blue lights 

Over white 

I want to feel his touch caressing my back 

Lips on mine 

I want to play games

Get 5 in a row 

Reach 2048 

Stack towers run through temples break rocks 

Walk my dog 

Look at the sunset 

Travel the world 

Contemplate what has been 

It’s easier 

Than talking 

Than listening 

Than learning

It’s so much easier 


How I loathe thee let me count the ways

Making me twist and turn manipulated and phased

Silence, I’ll reward myself 

Stillness will provide some help

Insulated with useless conniption

Constantly contracting to your systems

One of these days I will conform 

Say goodbye to dreaming willingly condemning

Myself and my health to shame 

Wishing potently and lost 

So much that I forget my name


Why are we afraid of sadness

We masquerade happiness because 

Sadness isn’t pretty isn’t satisfying 

We celebrate some kinds of suffering 

In violent films, horror, doom scrolling

The chemicals in our brain that react 

To fear and comedy are very similar 

If I tell myself to be happy will I be

If I am happy what am I telling myself?


Thoughts I shouldn’t say

We are all searching for ways to be happy 

In a world that fosters disappointment 

We are actors in our own suffering 

Silently playing the parts assigned to us

Choosing security over excitement 

Pain over passion

It’s not good for your mind to go to that place 

The further you go the harder it is to come out

The more you say the less you’ll wish to know

But life is a gift 

Because our bodies resist the urge to die


If I would have known how you would make my heart tremble 

If I would have known how you would make my heart ache

If I would have seen the future at stake 

If I would have seen the memories we’d make 

Only to come crashing down

Leaving me aimless untethered and lost 

Desperately fitting broken pieces together 

That never quite fit the way they used to 

I would have done everything I could 

To never know you


What can you say when there’s nothing to do

What can you do when there’s nothing to see

What can you see when there’s nowhere to go

Where can you go when there’s nowhere to stay

Where can you stay when there’s nowhere to live

Where can you live when there’s nothing to eat 

What can you eat when there’s no one to speak 

What can you speak when there’s no one to hear