Identity Duality

We get our voices from the ghosts of spirituals 

Our feeling from their deaths 


Will they think 

About how our nights were filled with 

Blue eyes 

Blond hair 

Long and silky 

Wind tousled 

How the slight tinge of brown or black was easily 

Passed by

Begged for the chance to be seen but the wish was never answered 


I wonder who would honor my wish 

See me in the pictures 

And select me on the screen 

As they try to do in real life 


After sanitized hands 

Cleanse mouths from the aftertaste 

Will they come back?


Sometimes I’m nervous walking in 

Sometimes I’m nervous walking out 

Sometimes I should be walking in 

Sometimes I should be walking out 

Sometimes I walk in when I should walk out 

Sometimes I walk out when I should walk in 

Sometimes I stop walking 

Sometimes I stop feeling when I need to heal 

Sometimes I stop healing when I need to feel


Sometimes I regret allowing myself to eat 

Sometimes I regret allowing myself to speak 

Sometimes I hate when days evaporate 

Sometimes I wait for days to fade 

Sometimes I hate myself 

Sometimes I love myself 

Sometimes I can’t tell what I am to myself


Sometimes I don’t know how to speak

Sometimes I wish I was meek  

Sometimes I wish I was weak

Sometimes I wish I was strong

Sometimes I wonder how long this can go on 

Sometimes I’m smart and I know

Sometimes I’m dumb and it shows 

Sometimes I’m right when I’m wrong

Sometimes I write wrong when I’m right

Sometimes this all feels surreal 

And Sometimes I don’t know what to feel